Early this morning I walk past the coffee shop moving hurriedly to my next appointment, my eyes stumble on the lady over at the shop cleaning after customers who stop in for breakfast. I literally stand back in absolute, motionless shock at the sight.
Do I consider the job beneath human dignity? The answer is a definite NO!!! It is honest work and there is dignity in all labour. So why the shock? It’s the person holding the mop and cleaning after customers that caught my attention. She shouldn’t be there!!! If memory serves me right and it does, this person I’m seeing should be so high up the ladder of success. Such was the honor my memory recalled of her back in our days at secondary school – she was the crème de la crème in high school.
I instinctively walk into the cafe oblivious of my appointment. In that brief instance our eyes met I could tell by the glow in her eyes that she recognized me. I’m obviously surprised but I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable so I wave and muster a smile while she does the same albeit wryly.
Susie was the most exceptional student in school, and a girl with so much love for books, I’m yet to see. So I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what she was doing here. Back then she was shy and unsure but I figured she’ll grow out of it and realize how brilliant she is but she didn’t.
We met up and I heard the sad tale. She got into the university more unsure of herself and searching for approval everywhere. Eventually she met someone who told her all she ever wanted to hear.
Someone who made her feel like a princess, someone who made her happy. Only he wanted something in return.
He wanted everything and too weak to say no and needing his approval, she gave him her very essence. Only it wasn’t enough for him. She wasn’t enough. He walked out, shattering her hopes and dreams and leaving her feeling worthless again.
Back where she started but worse, the search continued, only it took her to worse places where she encountered abuse; physical and emotional. Living on the left over pieces of the love and approval she so craved, her grades went all the way down until she was asked to withdraw.
Empty, bereft and now pregnant, Susie had to take on menial jobs to survive and cater for the little one. The little one’s in preschool now starting his life with just his mama to cater for his needs.
Unfortunately Susie hasn’t learned to cater for her needs. The little girl in there still cries and begs for love and approval. Only she’s been silenced now cause there are more pressing issues to attend to.
Where did Susie get it all wrong?
- When she made the decision that she needed validation from a man.
- When she assumed that being happy requires being in a relationship.
- When she allowed herself to believe she was not enough.
- When she entered a relationship to escape her imbalanced life.
- When she looked at herself and determined she needed to find better men rather than become better herself.
- When she was dealt physical and emotional abuse and went along with it; not realizing she actually deserved someone who would cherish her for all her days.
No your name isn’t Susie but are you sure you’re not just like her seeking validation from outside sources?
I’m now working with Susie to help her see what someone should have told her years ago;
‘There’s a certain love, a certain power that only you can give yourself.”
Don’t find that love and approval outside of yourself. YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!