SARAH’S JOURNAL 3!

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             Mama dropped me off at my grandparents without notice, not to me or them. I was practically tossed to grandpa and grandma Shirley. She just left me on their door step with a note. I was dumbfounded but then, you can expect anything from mama.
          I stood there for a while. My feet just wouldn’t move. I had never met them, they probably didn’t even know about me and I just suddenly showed up with a note and my bags in tow. Even being eleven years old I knew it was very wrong. I had just turned eleven two days before and it was really quiet and sad. I was glad when the day finally came to an end. Mama didn’t remember or didn’t acknowledge. Whatever the case, I was eleven years old and I had never felt worse, except of course when papa died.
          The bark of a dog was what brought me back to my present situation. The dog was a black and golden brown German shepherd. It was barking cautiously as if trying to quietly demand what I was doing standing there and at the same time reassure me there was no imminent danger. In spite of that I was thrown off balance. I didn’t exactly expect to be welcomed by a rather sensitive dog. I was still trying to gather my wits when I saw a painfully old man coming towards me in a wheelchair.
        I started to back away but one look at his eyes and I was paralyzed. He had mum’s eyes but they weren’t cold like mama’s.They were warm and compelling. The kind that felt like home. Funny how I knew that. Actually it wasn’t. Papa’s eyes were just like that, warm, compelling and welcoming. You could drown in those eyes because they offered lots of warmth. So you probably can understand that I wasn’t thinking when I walked into his arms and cried on his shoulder.
         I remember that as being a turning point for me because he held me close and soothed me even though he had no idea who I was. He just offered comfort because I needed it. Later on, several years after I asked him why and he just shrugged and said, “why not?”.
       That was the sort of man my grandpa was. Grandma on the other hand was a bull. Stubborn and fierce. She ranted for days about how irresponsible mama was for leaving me like that. I got to know later that mama was estranged from grandma and grandpa because she and grandma didn’t agree on a lot of things.
         I wasn’t comfortable at first but as the weeks turned into months I realized that grandma’s bark was worse than her bite. She was actually a sweet old lady but quite opinionated. We settled into a nice and simple lifestyle. Grandpa Shirley spent a lot of time praying and teasing grandma. Grandma had a little cafeteria in the house. It was really cool and I helped out a lot. Grandma taught me lots of delicious recipes. We went to Shepherd Hill Church on Sundays while I attended the Community High School a few blocks from home. It was great but I missed papa and hard as living with her was, I missed mama.
           I finally gave up every dream I had of hearing from mama on my fifteenth birthday. She never called or sent letters. I hadn’t seen her or heard from her since the day she dropped me off on my grandparents doorstep. Grandma was furious with her and said as much but grandpa, always the peace maker insisted we prayed for her. Grandma and grandpa had brought me up and loved me since I appeared on their doorstep and I was deeply grateful to them. I could have ended up worse but God’s grace brought us together.
        I still longed for what could have been if papa lived… I guess I’ll never know. And mama… Where is she?… Is she alright?